My friend asked me today if I missed my life before the house fire incident.
We've been under construction for over a year. Not only did we have a fire, but the people we hired as general contractors turned out to be unlicensed. They trashed our two properties, took tremendous amount of money , and left us with a demo state two properties both with structural concerns, and electrical and plumbing issues. Combined with my father's loss and life's other unexpected surprises, I've been feeling drained.
Hearing that question brought up very mixed feelings. I thought about the possibility of being able to provide a peaceful environment and a routine for my daughter, who spent a quarter of her lifetime moving from hotels to Airbnbs, dealing with a distressed mommy and daddy.
Then I thought about all the fights I've had with my husband, the tension, the overall pressure of reconstructing a whole house and providing finances for all of that out of pocket for the second time. I also thought about the loss of my father, missing his funeral, and not even having the space and time to grieve..
But then I said, “You know what, I do not wish to have never had the fire.”
And I couldn’t believe I said that.
Despite the sleepless nights of trying to keep up with my business responsibilities, house chores, managing the construction, homeschooling, insurance companies, banks, public adjusters, attorneys' expectations, police , detectives, and all the other stuff that happened within one year, I wouldn't change the experience of going through this fire.
Because it was just what I needed to heal.
It pushed me out of my comfort zone and made me move, find new business ideas, live in new neighborhoods, and meet precious people I would have never met otherwise.
It taught me that; it is not possible to control and it is okay not to control. My nervous system learned I don’t die when things go on their own phases. It widened my acceptance and tolerance containers in my heart. I have seen a lot and hit the wall to the point that my mom who is a therapist herself, suggested that; I should see a therapist, ended up me going therapy religiously to deal with all these trauma.
Then I started to feel.... Again...
It’s impossible to feel happy if you also avoid feeling your own griefs. If you’re trying to suppress your emotions, you shut down the whole system, losing the ability to see your and others' emotional needs.
But we decided to invest in ourselves to get through this process.
I have more tolerance now when things go south.
My new self cries more, is not that manic happy or hop in to action all the time, more calmer inside,
I still feel like jumping to my car and chase my “what ever I want to do, I will do” drives .
Yet, I am more grounded, I can wait easier and I don’t care about "who is going to say what" anymore.
Everything changes in life. Life can be much more fun when you don’t try to give it a shape or fit it into a box.
I realized it’s not the house that made my daughter sad; it was “me”, the one who is sad was shaping her experience, creating all those big feelings, leaving her confused and introverted.
So there is a new me, a new husband, a new relationship between us, and my daughter is back to being happy, I am watching her overcoming another “step back” every other day.
And all the people that I met just because of that fire, for i was at random places shaped me throughout my new journey. Maurizio, Seckin, Jason, Luis, Christy, Umut, Ozgur and more...
Even if it meant going through all that pain again, I guess I would be willing, just to have the chance to meet them. If that is the only way it could have happened, then it was worth it.
As Joseph Campbell said, the hero begins as a fool, facing challenges to ultimately gain a deeper understanding of themselves and others. This is my hero's journey—embracing discomfort as a catalyst for profound transformation.
And this became a spark for me while creating the Vagus Voyage, Experiences realizing how much a little discomfort can lead to profound joy, transformation, and deeper awareness in people's lives.
So I decided to make people the heroes of their own journeys, to step out of their comfort zone and embrace something that is within them already....
With every screw as my house comes together, so does my life and heart.
Then we put together an incredible show, and saw all the effort, sleepless nights, and time come together into something unforgettable—an experience that quietly made everyone to become their own hero, just as the fire transformed me into mine...
Seda Sarno
2024, Summer times, somewhere in Soho, NYC
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